I've got a gift.

Chances are, you've got it too. The silver tongue.

That's one of the ways church leaders keep things moving in a church: Motivating, visioning, encouraging.

Being a wordsmith is a gift. But it can also be a problem.

Remember, everybody in your church has God-given gifts. But not everyone's tongue is as silver as yours. Not everyone in your church preaches a sermon every week. Or prays extemporaneously. Or even speaks up in polite conversation.

That means you and I have to do something from time to time that doesn't seem natural.

We have to bite our tongues.

For instance:

The Committee Meeting

The chair asks, “Well, what should we do?”

Silence. Nobody is speaking up.

Meanwhile, you know exactly what this group should do. You've got ten great ideas in your back pocket and your natural urge is to take over. Cast the vision. Delegate the tasks.

You've even got a catchy slogan for publicizing the team's ministry.

The problem is, if you jump into that silence, they'll let you. If you have a quiet group that's hesitant to talk, they'll gladly allow you to fill the empty space. They may even go home feeling like they accomplished something, thanks to your leadership.

But they didn't accomplish squat! You did.

As good as that may feel at the time, you've hurt your church in the process. In your rush to develop your plans, you forgot to develop leaders.

Suggestion: Next time you can hear crickets chirp at a committee meeting, let someone else break the uncomfortable silence. Or, if nothing's happening, ask some questions to get the group talking.

The Counseling Session

In a counseling conversation about God and suffering, you ask a tough question, like: “Do you think God causes people to die?”

Silence. He/She sits there, staring off into space.

Meanwhile, you've got all kinds of answers to this question.You've got shelves of books behind you that make it perfectly clear.

For you to say, “Here's what C.S. Lewis has to say...” without letting them wrestle means you may have cut them off in the middle of their own revelation. These things take time.

You and I know that, but when the moment stretches we can become antsy. We have all this good stuff that they need to hear.

And, to be sure, there are times when a counselee needs a little nudge, a new perspective. But sometimes, what they need are a few moments to confront their own fear, confusion, anger, etc.

Suggestion: If we can resist the urge to talk our way out of a pregnant pause, we may help a hurting person give birth to a new insight.

The Nasty Email

The email is irrational, anxiety ridden, and accusatory. It's written by someone you don't even like. You've scrapped it up with them before.

Oh, and they're a parishoner.

In your anger, you hit “reply” and tear down their argument cooly, logically. You include a few passive-aggressive digs they'll be sure to get.

You finish by seemingly taking the higher road, which is sure to drive them crazy.

Triumphantly, your mouse hovers over the “send” button.

Ever been in this situation? Sure you have. Silver-tongued people make great arguers.

But if you send that email it's misusing your gift of words. It's probably misusing your position in the church. Nobody likes being thrown up on, but sending vitriol back at somebody is bad news.

Suggestion: Hit “save” instead of send. Consider your unsent reply an exercise in releasing your anger, and let it go. Tomorrow when you sit down at the computer you'll be in a much better place for responding. Or, don't respond at all.

Biting one's tongue is a spiritual practice for articulate people. It's refraining from misusing the gifts we've been given.

Rest assured that your words make all kinds of positive impact in the life of your church. But sometimes we must tame our silver tongues...

lest we risk putting our feet in our mouths.